


Drink (Ir)responsibly

by itsfnickingawesomeness



Series: Housewives of Stark Tower [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asgardian Liquor, Drinking Games, F/M, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Paranoia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 05:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7832170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsfnickingawesomeness/pseuds/itsfnickingawesomeness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers need some team bonding, and Tony is happy to oblige in the way he knows best. It deteriorates from there.</p>
<p>(The premise is that the Avengers do not yet know that Bucky and Steve are together.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drink (Ir)responsibly

It had been Coulson’s idea. Normally, that would’ve been enough to turn Tony off- anything _Agent_ wanted them to do couldn’t possibly be fun. The guy probably read tax papers before bed, for fuck’s sake. But the return of a certain mind wiped assassin/death cyborg had thrown the whole team in a loop, and if they were ever going to get their shit together enough to beat Doctor Doom _before_ he trashed half of Tony’s tower- which would be just dandy- perhaps some extreme measures needed to be taken.

So that was why, at 9:30 pm on a Tuesday night, Tony sounded the special “Avengers Assemble… for fun” alert he had installed on everyone’s phones (even if they didn’t yet know it). He then set about gathering all of the bottles of liquor that he could find in this floor’s bar- his second best scotch for himself, Rum for Bruce, vodka for the four eastern Europeans, whiskey for Sam, and tequila for Clint (and an extra bottle of Jack for when Barton inevitably wimped out of the stuff straight from Mexico that may or may not be illegal in the states). Pausing, Tony cocked his head, realizing that he wasn’t sure what to bring for Steve and Thor. This “mere mortal drink” (as Thor so _condescendingly_ called it) wouldn’t even affect either of them, and Tony hadn’t yet perfected his “get Steve wasted” serum. Shrugging- he could tell Thor to get more of his Asgardian shit- he carried the first cumbersome load over to the lounge, followed closely by DUM-E, who was helpfully carrying a single bottle of Grey Goose.

No one could ever say that Tony Stark didn’t go all out for team bonding.

 

* * *

 

 

The Avengers arrived in pairs slowly over the next half hour. Steve and Bucky were the first to arrive, Steve looking perfectly content as he walked, shoulders bumping into Bucky’s (who, on the other hand, looked like someone had dragged him out of bed). Next were Natasha and Clint, though no one actually saw them walk in- they had suddenly appeared on the couch. Sam ambled in ten minutes later, grinning and waving at everyone. Pietro and Wanda came next (though why it always took them so long to just come down a few floors no one will ever understand). Thor arrived last, with a smiling Jane, a smirking Darcy, and a flustered Bruce in tow.

“My friends! I found Doctor Banner still in his lab, so I have brought him up for the festivities. I also brought the Ladies Jane and Darcy from their lab next door- I hope you do not mind!” Thor announced as he walked in, giving everyone a large grin.

Tony shrugged, throwing his hands up. “The more, the merrier. Not like there’s any shortage of booze around here. What’re you ladies drinking? Cosmos? Screwdrivers? Wine?”

Jane politely agreed to wine, while Darcy snorted. “Puh-lease. I _know_ you have the best scotch up here, so don’t try to hide it, Stark.”

Wearing a look of appraisal, Tony gave her a sharp smile. “My kind of girl. One bottle of Merlot and a bottle of the finest scotch, coming up. Thor, I hope you brought some of that magic giggle juice, because you and Iced Americano are _not_ escaping tonight unscathed.” he called as he walked over to the next room to grab more liquor.

“A whole _bottle_?” Jane and Darcy asked, incredulously and excitedly, respectively.

Their reply was lost as Thor laughed, saying, “Of course, Tony- did I not tell you that I placed a bottle in your liquor cabinet the time last I was here?”

Tony frowned, placing the new bottles on the (now very crowded) coffee table. “Yea, but I’m pretty sure you drank it, buddy.”

“Nay, it refills itself, straight from Asgard’s stores.” the blonde replied, shaking his head.

“And you’re just telling me this _now_?” Tony squawked, practically running to grab the magic bottle. Steve shook his head, a fond smile on his face. He settled onto the loveseat, Bucky shoving himself besides him, half draped over Steve like a sleepy cat. The team was long used to Bucky’s tactile nature- after decades of nothing but violent touches, it only made sense that Bucky would relish every contact. The others drifted over to the little square of comfortable seating, the room filling with bickering over seats, giggling at the veritable mountain of alcohol, and general chatter. Natasha and Sam settled onto the couch, Bruce gingerly sitting on the end next to them and Clint perching on the back. Darcy and Jane claimed another loveseat, and Thor hunkered on the floor at their feet. Finally, Wanda and Pietro squished into the last loveseat across from the couch, next to Jane and Darcy.  Tony returned with a large golden bottle, setting it onto the table and throwing himself onto the armchair closest to Bruce, sitting cross legged and facing Steve and Bucky’s chair.

Before anyone could ask the obvious question of what was going on, Tony clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Alright, _so_. Team. Buddies. Avengers. Tonight… is team bonding night.” He paused, but whatever he had expected, all he received was silence and raised eyebrows. Tony sighed, rolling his eyes. “Agent P suggested that we do some bonding, you know, become _tighter_ and all. Hence, drinking!” He opened his arms, indicating the impressive spread before him. “We’re gonna get smashed and play good old fashioned drinking games, just like teenagers.”

At this, Darcy and Jane let out a whoop, Clint cheered, and even Natasha grinned. Bruce simply rubbed a hand over his face, already looking like he regretted his decision to wake up this morning. “Oh man, what are we, Tony, twelve?” Sam tsked, but he was already eagerly reaching for the closest bottle.

Steve and Bucky glanced at each other, a silent conversation taking place. “Care to explain?” Steve prompted, earning confused nods from Pietro, Wanda, and Thor.

Tony, looking gleeful, started to talk excitedly. “Well, there are several drinking games that are popular with the youths these days. Never Have I Ever, Kings, Cheers to the Governor-”

“Paranoia!” Darcy chimed in, pouring herself a generous glass of scotch.

“Right. Exactly. We’ll play a couple different ones; I’ll explain the rules as we go.”

Bucky spoke up for the first time, phone already in hand. “Just Google ‘em.” Wanda and Pietro pulled out their phones, as Bucky and Jane started quietly explaining the rules to Steve and Thor respectively. By the time everyone had been updated, glasses had been distributed and everyone was arranged in a rough circle, eagerly waiting.

“Let’s do Paranoia first.” Clint called, earning a couple nods in agreement. “Cool. I’ll start.” Leaning down, he whispered something into Natasha’s ear. She didn’t so much as twitch, answering “Bucky,” without hesitation. Bucky saluted in recognition with his glass as he took a shot, the others waiting eagerly.

Natasha shrugged, taking a sip of her vodka. “Which one I’d rather star in a porno with.” Clint cackled madly, and over the laughter Tony gasped.

“How dare you! I’ll have you know I have _already_ done a porno- I have _experience_. Wait, aren’t you only supposed to take a shot if you get named?”

Natasha cocked an eyebrow. “One, I would definitely choose Barnes. He is obviously the only one that could have a chance at being able to handle me,” another smattering of laughter went through the group, and Bucky winked at Natasha as Steve shook his head, “and two, I don’t care. I’m just here to drink, Stark.” Darcy downed another shot, adding “Amen!”

Just as Tony opened his mouth to reply, Pietro called out, “Natasha, your turn, please. Before he keeps talking.”

Leaning over to Bucky, Natasha whispered her question, which prompted a raised eyebrow from him. She gave him a Look, and he smirked, leaning back into Steve. “Probably Steve.” Natasha snickered, and Steve raised his brow as he drank his mead.

Of course, right in the middle of Steve’s gulp Bucky deadpanned, “She asked me who had the best boobs,” causing Steve to spray all over the coffee table.

The group howled with laughter, and Darcy let out an enraged huff. “Ex _cuse_ me, but I believe that title actually belongs to me.” She put her hands on her hips, arching her back to showcase her (rather impressive) breasts.

“So it does. You got me there, doll. I’ll change my answer.” Bucky smirked at her as he drained another shot. Steve stared at him, but Bucky pointedly ignored it, the only sign he knew a slight upwards twitching of his lips. “Your turn, Steve.”

He leaned in, whispering so quietly that even Steve had trouble hearing it. But after Bucky sat back up, a practically shit-eating grin on his face, Steve groaned loudly. “ _Really_?” Bucky nodded, unable to wipe the smile from his face (much to the surprise of some of his teammates). “And I have to answer?” They both knew the answer that Steve _could_ give, but the rules of the game (and their present company) stated otherwise.

“Yup. You have to answer. And let’s face it, everyone is gonna know, cause I don’t think anyone in their right mind wouldn’t drink to hear the question that’s making you spaz.” Darcy chimed in.

Steve sighed, but raised a challenging eyebrow. “I hate you.” He paused, considering, before admitting- somewhat reluctantly- “Tony.” The man in question let out a whoop, quickly taking a shot. The group looked at Steve expectantly, eager to see what question Bucky could have possibly come up with. “The question was who do you think would fuck the best.”

Tony cackled, raising his tumbler to Steve. “I’d have to agree with you on that one, Labrador. I definitely have the most experience.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at that, and Darcy snorted into her glass, but for the most part the group muttered their agreement.

“Moving on from things I’d really not think about…” Bruce prompted, loosening up from the Bacardi yet still sporting a pained look on his face. Bucky elbowed Steve, who shoved him right back.

Steve turned to face Jane, tapping his chin for a moment. After he had leaned over to whisper his question, Jane’s face lit up. “Okay, actually, I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” prompting a groan from Darcy, “and my answer is Clint!”

From his perch behind Natasha, Clint took a shot of his tequila, wincing slightly at the taste. “Please tell me it’s ‘Who has the biggest dick’.” Natasha reached up and smacked his leg, causing him to pout at her.

Jane giggled. “Nope. It’s who would survive the Hunger Games.” Clint immediately sat up straighter and preened, while various arguments and questions started flying around the group. “Hold on, hold on!” Jane raised her voice above the others, face slightly flushed from her wine. “I’m thinking- take away super powers and immortality. ‘Cause then Clint is the obvious choice- he’ll just post up in a tree, shoot both food and anyone who comes close, and _boom_. Winner.”

Bucky snorted, but no one could really deny that logic- even Tony had kept his muttering quietly to himself. “Alright, ask Thor something.” Wanda prompted, getting into the game.

Jane thought for a moment, before leaning down and whispering into Thor’s ear. The blonde grinned brightly, obviously liking the question. “That would have to be Pietro.” he replied, nodding towards the speedster. Pietro threw back a shot of vodka, before settling back down with his hands on his knees, expectant. “My lady Jane asked who would be most likely to start a brawl in a tavern!”

Wanda laughed loudly, interjecting, “Too late.” Pietro hissed at her to shut up, causing titters to go through the group. Jane hushed Darcy, who was trying to get the story out of Wanda, and Clint just reached out his arm to give Pietro an air fist bump. 

“Your turn, big guy.” Sam prompted over the snickers. Thor nodded and thought for a moment, before leaning over to Darcy and murmuring (surprisingly quiet, for Thor) into her ear.

Darcy giggled, before winking at Sam. “Definitely Wilson.” Sam blinked, before throwing back a shot eagerly. “It was who smelt the best.” Sam chuckled at that, swearing by Old Spice deodorant and cologne. Taking another (somewhat sloppy) drink of her scotch, Darcy turned towards Wanda to whisper her question.

Looking a bit hesitant at first, but then taking another shot of vodka as if to steel herself, Wanda answered, “Natalia,” accent thickening with drink. Almost coyly, Natasha drank too, raising an eyebrow. Wanda muttered, looking down at the ground, “If I was to pick a person in this room to fuck.”

More than one mouth hung open at that statement, though Steve managed to give Wanda a comforting smile, the Asgardian mead making him even more sentimental for the girl. She ducked her head and blushed, but Natasha merely winked at her, showing that she wasn’t bothered by it. Pietro made a few noises, as if he was starting to talk but couldn’t decide on what to say, but Wanda slapped a hand over his mouth. Waving her other hand, she said, “Alright, alright, we move on.” She asked Pietro her question in Sokovian, a wry smile on her face.

Pietro licked her hand, causing her to withdraw it with a hiss of disgust, and then stuck his tongue out at her. He then studied the rest of the group with his tongue still sticking out slightly. After a minute he _hmph_ ed and said, “Thor does.”

Raising his glass in a toast and taking a large swallow, Thor said, “What do I, young Pietro?” As Thor drank he seemed to get impossibly bigger and louder, and Jane giggled, making _ssh_ ing noises and waving her hand at his face at his booming voice.

“My sister has asked me who has the best arms.” Thor let out a loud laugh, flexing his arms, which caused Jane to immediately lose interest in her wine glass (for now). Clint muttered petulantly from the couch, and Steve shook his head in mock offence. “Sorry, but it is true.” Pietro said definitively. He then gestured for Tony to come closer, making him wait awkwardly leaned over the arm of the arm chair, until he thought of a question. Whatever it was made Tony light up, a mischievous grin on his lips.

Tony made a show of deliberating, _hmm_ ing and stroking his goatee, before answering, “That would be our good Captain Rogers!” Steve peered at him suspiciously as he drank more. “You are the one with the best ass.”

That sparked more arguments, Sam, Darcy, Clint, and even Natasha arguing that the award should have been given to themselves. But Bucky narrowed his eyes in an icy glare at Tony, the super soldier still incredibly scary even when he was leaning heavily against Steve, very clearly drunker than he was admitting. A soft growl sounded from him, unheard by all except Steve, who quickly wrapped an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, squeezing reassuringly.

“Alright, alright, _Jesus_ , it’s just a game, calm down!” Tony called, mostly succeeding at stopping all the yelling. Huffing once again, he leaned down to ask Bruce a question, the scientist glaring dryly at Tony, as if he couldn’t believe he was stuck with him.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Bruce sighed heavily, muttering to himself. “Alright, I guess Darcy.”

The woman in question leaned forward, taking a slow sip of scotch. “Yes, Doctor Banner?”

Bruce’s lips twitched, and he shook his head slightly as he said, “Who I would rather lick chocolate off of.” Shrieks of surprised laughter echoed through the room, and even Darcy’s jaw dropped for a moment before she recovered.

“You got a silver fox thing going for ya, doc. I’m down if you are.” she said with a wink. Jane tutted and smacked her (mostly) on the arm, and Clint catcalled. Bruce snorted and shook his head, but his cheeks did flush a bit.

His question to Sam seemed to stump the man, as Sam had to take two whole minutes to deliberate (no doubt slowed by the immense amount of alcohol in his system, making him tilt and sway in place). He finally looked back up from the floor, pointing grandly to Wanda. She tilted her head and took another shot from the bottle.

“Alright, the question was who I’d want to be stranded on an island with. ‘n I figured, hell, if I’m with you, y’all can jus’ fly us outta there!” The previous outcry of jealousy and anger died down, more than one person muttering “True.” Wanda looked smug, and she nodded at Sam, as if it was a done deal if it ever happened.

Clint moved his head down to hang next to Sam, saying, “My turn!” After a minute of thinking, Sam whispered the question directly into Clint’s hearing aid. The archer squawked, saying, “Dude, I’m not gay.”

“That don’t mean shit, man.” Sam retorted.

Clint groaned, lifting his head to give each person a long hard stare. After he made it all the way around the group, he sighed, throwing up a hand. “Barnes.” Bucky didn’t say a word, staring Clint down as he drank his vodka. Wincing, Clint explained, “Sorry- it was who looked the hottest when they were all dirty and sweaty from a mission.” Natasha shot a poisonous glare first at Bucky, then at Clint, and Clint cringed away from him. Steve tightened the arm around Bucky’s shoulder. not quite glaring at Clint, but definitely giving him a Look.

“Well, thanks, Barton.” Bucky drawled, unbothered by the question or the reactions. “Don’t worry, you’re not my type anyway.” Clint rolled his eyes, but gave Bucky a small smile. Slightly unbalanced from all of the alcohol he had drank, Clint flopped down to lie across the back of the couch, whispering his question to Natasha.

She rolled her eyes, the only sign of how much she’d been drinking the slight flush to her high cheekbones. “I’d put my money on Steve.”

Drinking more from his cup (which he had had to refill… three times now? Four? he had lost count), Steve waited for her to reveal the question, blinking as she appeared double for a second. Looking almost casually over at him, Natasha said, “Who was most likely to have a strange fetish.”

A blush spread over Steve’s face again, and his mouth opened and closed like a fish. Darcy and Wanda started giggling, while Sam, Clint, and Bruce made pained-looking faces. Bucky was outright cackling, and it drew more than a few looks, as this night was the most Bucky had laughed in the entire months since he’d shown up. Steve huffed mulishly, crossing his arms, but he simply sank back against the couch, earning a pat on the head from Bucky. He muttered something too quiet for anyone but the other super soldier to hear, but Bucky merely flicked Steve’s ear in return. “What, not gonna share what it is?” Tony called, earning him more than a few fake gags or scowls (especially from Steve).

Turning around to now face Natasha, Bucky made a face as she asked her question. He gave her a look, one that said _Really?_ , and when she stared at him unrelentingly, he groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You’re really the worst, sweetheart. Pro’lly… Jane. Sorry.” The sound of her name made Jane pull away from where she had been making out with Thor, and it took a second for her to catch up, taking another swallow of her third glass of wine.

Making another face, Bucky told her, “She asked me whose skin I would rather wear.” There was a startled silence, bordering on uneasy. Bucky shifted, looking down at his lap. “Not my fault Natalia has issues. ‘Sides… you pro’lly have the softest skin.”

“Um… thanks?” Jane stammered, unsure of how to respond to something like that. Thor rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, and Darcy just made weird _f-f-f-f-f_ noises at her, saying something about fava beans, causing Bruce (who had switched to water) to look at her disapprovingly and Clint to snicker loudly.

Looking more than a bit uncomfortable, Bucky hurriedly turned and murmured in Steve’s ear. Steve gaped exasperatedly at him, a small grin now tugging at Bucky’s lips. “Ugh,” Steve muttered, putting his face in his hands, “why do you do these things?” Bucky merely shrugged, laying his head sweetly onto Steve’s left shoulder. Sighing, Steve rubbed his eyes, before admitting, “Tony.”

Whooping, Tony finished off his fourth glass of scotch, now clearly drunk. “Hit me with it, Cap-i-tain.”

Twisting up his face, Steve said, “Who was most likely to end up in ER with something weird up their ass.”

Everyone else burst into laughter, a few glasses being tipped over, and Tony cried out in protest. “Look, that was _one_ time, I mean, how did you even know about-” he paused, reconsidering, before going on in a more subdued voice, “-unless you didn’t know about it and I just told you all that.” Steve gave him a cheeky salute, drinking more mead because he hadn’t been drunk since the thirties and was enjoying it immensely.

Eager to change the subject, Steve leaned over to ask Jane a question he had thought of earlier, glad that no one else had used it. Jane giggled, covering her face with her hands. It took her a few moments to recover enough to respond, earning Steve a few questioning looks. Once Jane could finally speak, she slurred, “Ummm… I’d haveta say… Pietro.” She broke into giggles again, waving her hand towards Pietro as if she could pat him on the shoulder from her spot a few feet away.

Looking slightly concerned, Pietro drank more vodka, listing to the side as he peered at Jane. When she didn’t respond, still giggling helplessly, he turned his bleary gaze to Steve. Giving an apologetic smile, Steve told him, “I asked who she thought jerked off the most.”

Pietro flushed indignantly, opening his mouth to retort, when Wanda broke in with, “I am not thinking she is wrong,” causing an argument between the siblings in Sokovian. Tony blanched at Steve, as if he couldn’t believe Steve would ask something like that, and Clint started loudly complaining about how he hadn’t been picked in a while, prompting Natasha and Sam to start heckling him.

            “Okay, well now that this game has completely devolved into disturbing questions….” Tony interrupted the loud discussions and arguments, standing up (only stumbling a bit) and holding his arms out, “I declare that it is now time to move on to Never Have I Ever!” Various nods and murmurs of assent sounded through the crowd (some more bitter than others), and Tony nodded once, looking please as he sat down. “Alright, Bird Man Sam, you go ahead and start.”

Sam looked startled, and took a few moments to think of something, chewing his lip. Finally, raising a finger proudly, he declared, “Never have I ever been to jail.” Everyone but Jane took a shot. Darcy leaned over (in sever danger of tipping over, as she had lost track of how much she had drank), and poked Steve in the arm.

“What?” he demanded, alcohol having shifted off the veneer of Captain America.

“Even you?” she asked incredulously, blinking slowly at him.

Steve snorted, followed by Bucky’s raspy chuckling. “Doll, I’ve been in jail a few times.”

Bucky muttered, “Hadda bail ‘im out all the time.” Darcy gaped at the two men, taking a moment to process this monumental information. Seeing as the discussion was over for now, Sam poked Bruce’s shoulder.

Bruce peered at Tony, the only sign of his intoxication the slightly glassy look in his eyes. “Never have I ever stabbed someone with a pencil.” It was obviously some sort of grudge between the two scientists, because Tony scoffed as he threw back another shot, muttering “It was one goddamn time.” However, both Steve and Pietro took another drink, earning snickers from the rest of the group.

Bucky turned to Steve, a single eyebrow raised- this was a memory lost to old age, rather than electrocution for a change. Looking bashful under his alcohol-reddened cheeks, Steve explained, “It was in third grade… this asshole was goin’ ‘round knockin’ papers offa kids’ desks. So, when he came to mine, I jus’ reached out an’ stabbed his hand with it.” The story, combined with the Brooklyn accent that the alcohol brought out, made everyone break into fresh giggles, even Bucky.

Tony raised his hands imperiously for silence from the group. “Never have I ever… gotten a bad grade.” Everyone in the room groaned loudly, every person drinking more, quite a few raising middle fingers to Tony.

“I’m gonna spew.” Darcy muttered, though she had switched from drinking scotch to wine, at least. Jane clumsily patted her hand.

Pietro raised his hand, almost falling overbalanced out of his seat, earning an ugly snort and some slurred Sokovian from Wanda. “My turn!” He narrowed his eyes, tapping on his chin exaggeratedly. “Never have I ever fantasized about anyone in this room.” He looked around proudly at the group, obviously smug about his question.

Everyone besides Bruce raised a glass at that, drinking more. Pietro’s mouth dropped open, and he whipped around to glare at everyone, especially Wanda. His sister shrugged, saying, “What? The Thundergod is pretty.” Thor laughed heartily at that, as Jane and Darcy comically draped themselves over his arms, with hands over their foreheads and dainty sighs.

“And we know the Spy Wonder Twins are obvious, but what about you, Sam?” Tony asked, pointing an accusing finger at the man in question (it was only slightly off center).

Sam scoffed, swaying. “Bruh, like you’ve never fantasized about any of the fine asses in this room.” People broke into giggles again, Clint falling off the back of the couch where he had been laying down.

Tony couldn’t argue, giving a conciliatory shrug. Then, spinning to stare at Steve, Tony asked, “Et tu, Steve?”

Steve frowned. “Ain’t a virgin, Tony, for fuck’s sake. Ain’t blind, neither.” Bucky and Natasha cackled at that, the former earning a lazy head butt on the shoulder from Steve. Tony simply stuck his tongue out at the blonde.

Wanda eagerly sat forward. “Never have I ever slept with a coworker.” Clint, Natasha, Bucky, Steve, Darcy, Tony, and Sam all drank, Sam looking more and more sloppy as the time passed. “That was… actually, yes, that I expected.” Wanda replied, nodding seriously, her drink slowly tilting in her hand.

Darcy _psh_ ed, waving a hand. “It happens, sister.” Pushing herself back up into a technically-upright position, she said expansively, “Never have I ever skinned a man.” The mood in the room dropped considerably as Bucky and Natasha each took a drink. They didn’t say anything, but the question had cut through the drunken stupor they had fallen into. Steve frowned, nudging Bucky with his shoulder. The brunet simply shook his head, eyes glassy and unfocused from more than just the drink.

Oblivious, Thor excitedly added on, “I have thought of one! Never have I ever tortured a man!” Once again, Natasha and Bucky were the only ones to drink, and the tension could palpably be felt in the room, even with how much alcohol its inhabitants had consumed. Steve opened his mouth, anger ready to lash out for such careless questions, when Jane beat him to it.

“Never have I ever fucked inna tree.” she slurred, giving Thor a pointed look. Steve sighed a bit in relief, he, Bucky, Clint, and Natasha all taking drinks. Tony and Bruce narrowed their eyes at Steve and Bucky, an idea slowly making its way through their liquored thoughts.

It took Steve a moment to think of his question, oblivious to the scrutiny he was now under. “Never have I ever… taken someone's virginity.” At that, Bucky, Natasha, Thor, and Pietro all took drinks. Wanda smacked her brother’s arm, scolding him in messy Sokovian once again, but Bucky even went so far as to fist bump Natasha, his other hand poking Steve in the stomach. Steve grumbled, but a smirk twitched at his lips. Bruce noted it, raising an eyebrow.

As he settled back down, Bucky stared right at Steve, a bright grin on his face (visibly stunning Darcy and Jane, who had never seen him smile that largely before) as he said, “Never have I ever fallen _outta_ a tree after fuckin’ inna tree.” Steve scowled at Bucky and took another drink, some sloshing out onto his shirt. Sam and Jane were now staring insistently at Steve and Bucky as well, becoming more suspicious by the minute. But Bucky scoffed judgmentally as Natasha coughed pointedly at Clint, causing the archer to whine and bring the bottle of Jack to his lips again.

“I hate you.” he muttered petulantly.

Natasha merely smiled innocently at him, before turning her gaze back onto Steve and Bucky. “Never have I ever had sex more than five times in one night.” Steve and Bucky both raised their eyebrows and took a drink, looking elsewhere around the room. Now everyone’s gaze was on them, and Steve flushed even redder than he had been from the alcohol.

Peering blurrily at them from where he was still lying on the floor, Clint prompted, “Never have I ever eaten ass.” Steve and Bucky sighed and took another drink, causing a choked gasp from more than one person in the room, but Tony and Darcy also raised their bottles once again.

“What?” Sam shrieked, while Pietro mimed gagging, to Wanda’s giggles.

Darcy shrugged, knocking over her wine glass by her foot. “It was one time, dude. The guy was experimental.”

Tony waved a hand. “College, man.” he said, as if that explained everything.

Making a face and shaking his head, Sam gave a long suffering sigh as he thought of his next question. “Never… never have I ever fucked while covered in blood.” Steve, Bucky, and Natasha all drank, the latter looking almost smug. Clint’s eyes went unfocused, mind most likely going somewhere less than innocent. Natasha smacked him, but she was very clearly incredibly drunk, as she still bent over to give Clint a filthy kiss; the two spies _never_ engaged in PDA.

Trying to ignore everything going crazy around him, and having switched to water thirty minutes back, Bruce decided to get to the heart of the matter that they all were wondering about. “Never have I ever been in love with someone for over 70 years.” he murmured. After a moment, Steve and Bucky clinked their glasses together and drank, sappy smiled decorating their faces.

There was absolute silence in the room for the first time that night. Certain people looked uncomfortable (Clint and Pietro, mostly), while others looked suspiciously shiny-eyed (Darcy, Thor, and Jane). Bucky and Steve cleared their throats and elbowed each other, both blushing and biting their lips to smother grins.

Tony, who thought it was all horribly disgusting, swayed a bit, and wanting to change the subject said (as a joke, he’d swear it on his life), “Never have I ever had a metal fist ‘n my ass.” Almost challengingly, Steve maintained direct eye contact with Tony as he drank. Tony shrieked, as almost every other person in the room starting shouting obscenities and complaints, some (Pietro, Wanda, and Sam) even getting up and leaving.

“Yea, game over.” Tony muttered, standing up and immediately collapsing back into his chair as he swayed dangerously. “Tha’s nasty, Cap.” he declared pointing a finger in Steve’s general direction.

Steve opened his mouth to defend himself, but Bucky leered at Tony and leaned over to Steve, whispering, “Repeat performance, doll?” Steve’s pupils immediately blew wide, and he quickly shut his mouth and nodded eagerly, both of the super soldiers tripping and stumbling as they all but ran to their floor.

There was silence for a moment, before Darcy raised her hand and drank.

“ _What_?” Tony and Jane shouted, both overwhelmed and too drunk to deal with this.

Darcy grinned. “College, man.”

 


End file.
